words Revathie Dhanabalan

According to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions of confidence is a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances. In the purest sense of the word, it just means that you know what you are good at and acting a certain way that conveys it to everyone else. But is it just an ethereal idea or a necessity? How does one manage to convey confidence during this different version of time? A version of time where yours and loved ones’ safety is determined with you staying at home and minimising any coffee dates or everyday work in the midst of all the chaos.

Here’s the kicker that I’ve come to realise as I get older - if we don’t use confidence, we lose it.

So, here’s just a little something that I think everyone can work into realisation at this moment. Confidence, in essence, is your belief in your ability to do something. It directs our actions and continues to shape our lives. Sounds about right? It is as simple as just:

1. your belief in your capability to speak in public

2. your belief in your ability to learn something new

3. your belief to take the leap on a chance of something new

4. your belief in your ability to change job or career

5. your belief in yourself to exit a relationship

Ultimately, what you get from the above is that you make the choice to practise and remain confident on a daily basis. Your confidence can wane and curve throughout your days. We get it easier when someone compliments us and lose it as soon as we are rejected for something. At this point, you’re probably thinking, what then? Why and how do we do this? Here’s the ‘why’ - it isn’t about feeling superior or stabilising some insecurity - it runs along the line of calming that inner voice that tells you “I can’t do this”.

So, then, how do we start. I say, let’s start with just pretending to have confidence - you back yourself up and act as if you already possess the confidence you aspire to have.  And you keep this, keep at it and keep going, and before you know it, you got it. I think Rumi, taken from The Essential Rumi may have said it best,

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”

How I interpreted what Rumi meant was that you live your own truth from your own experiences. Don’t dream about what others have accomplished, instead have the confidence to see that we are all bigger than the person we have reduced ourselves to be. Now, even with all that, here is another way of pushing for confidence.

You stand up tall, shoulders back, chin up, smile confidently and move your body into the posture of someone who is highly self-assured.

Take a moment and check out this TED Talk on self-confidence as a skill: