MY STORY IS …

I run Teater Ekamatra, one of the longest running ethnic minority theatre companies in Singapore. We look at local and global issues especially around race, religion, mental health, and inequalities, through the ethnic minority perspective. I also teach arts management part-time at an arts school here to basically teach people what not to do by sharing all my mistakes with them!

When I was 17, I took part in Pesta Peti Putih (White Box Festival), an inter-tertiary theatre competition, held by Teater Ekamatra. My team won the competition and we were invited to work with the company on its arts education programmes that focused on outreach and education in schools and libraries. I still remember the first meeting I attended at Teater Ekamatra. Everyone was talking about all these issues and feelings that I’ve always had about being an ethnic minority in Singapore, but up till that point, I had never thought it was safe or possible to have these conversations. It was such an eye-opener for me to know that all these feelings I had kept inside, were not only mine… that there were people who were just as frustrated, and that we could actually do something about it together, through theatre and other forms of art.

I felt like I had come ‘home’ and I believe that’s what a lot of people who are involved with Teater Ekamatra throughout the years have felt. Home. 

I’ve been running the company for almost 10 years now and really, for the first half of my time here, it has been fumbling in the dark, trying to understand what it means to deal with the nitty-gritty parts of a company. The finances, the programming, the people, the bureaucracy… it took me much longer, I feel because I never had any background in the arts or management. My lack of both qualifications and experience didn’t deter me from the challenge of running the company because I knew my sheer determination to keep the company going would give me the confidence to do what needed to be done even if it took me longer than most. 

In the last years, I’ve realised the importance of bringing who I am to the table as well. My own story, my interests, my shortcomings, my personality, and my brand of leadership matters too.

I’ve become more confident in owning every part of me and I believe that has changed my view on what it truly means to be running an ethnic minority theatre company in Singapore.

At the same time, I am always mindful that I stand on the shoulders of giants who have given everything to bring the company to where it is today. 

September is our Month of Confidence and Shaza explained what confidence meant to her —

I don’t know if I’d call myself a confident person, really. But what I can say is that I try not to let my insecurities and shortcomings control me. If I don’t know how to do something, I don’t dwell on that. I admit that I don’t know. I find out how to do it. And if I still don’t know, I find someone who can and learn from them. I try. And I manage my expectations. If I fail, I shrug it off and try again. The results aren’t always spectacular. But it’s okay to fail and it’s okay to be mediocre at some things. We always talk about how we’ve all got our strengths but we should talk more about how we’ve all got our weaknesses too. It teaches us to lean on others and that humility keeps us grounded. In that, we can find confidence not only in ourselves but also the people we surround ourselves with. 

photography Zahwah Bagharib