MY STORY IS …

For the past five years, I grappled with staying pragmatic versus chasing what I really cared about, which was to pursue a creative career in illustration, content production and even creative strategy. (When on a field trip to a creative agency years ago, I glimpsed into the lives of creative professionals and had proudly declared since then that I would, one day, claim the title of Creative Director.) 

I dived into the corporate world first thing out of university, but my first role saw me setting up digital campaigns and analysing various metrics to convince our clients that they had put their money in the right place. Instead of big ideas and creative visuals, I was brushing up on formulas and keyboard shortcuts. By the third week, I was tearing up in the bathroom stalls questioning my decision which had me staring at excel sheets all day. 

credit TIFAAANI

After five years of just getting by, I’ve realised that you cannot settle for something just because it is available. As work got tougher and hours got longer, I got increasingly moody and hated that I was spending all my time and energy on my corporate job when all I wanted was to shut off and work on my illustration projects that I already had going on the side. Working at an art studio on the weekends also meant that Mondays were always exceptionally difficult for me because I had to switch back into a job I had no passion for.

In August this year, amidst the global pandemic which has had everyone adjusting to new ways of living, I finally plucked up the courage to leave my full-time corporate advertising job to focus on my creative plans and to truly pursue the life I want as a creative.

Sometimes I think it really is crazy to leave stability with nothing but a head full of ideas and a heart full of dreams, living in one of the most expensive cities in the world (and which sees artists as “non-essential”?). My crazy is probably a stubborn rejection of ideals, non-negotiable discipline to keep coming back to the work I do, and a relentless pursuit of my idea of perfection.

I read somewhere that as a creative, “the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work… it is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions” — I’ve never looked back since. I’ve launched fundraisers, painted all night, worked on commissions, taught workshops, brought my personal illustration projects from ideas to fruition… but it is not enough for me.

Maybe one day I’ll finally work my way up to being Creative Director in a big agency, as I had planned so many years ago. Or maybe I’ll own my own creative brand and studio. But I don’t know yet, I’ve just dived in. My story has really barely started, and like Paul Kalanithi said, “You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” 

credit TIFAAANI

P.S. With all this time and headspace, I finally launched my store and website at www.tifaaani.com! The way I see it, I have a whole list of things I want to do and goals I want to achieve, hence it is all very much like a “Register of Dreams”. 

photography Zahwah Bagharib