ON HANDLING FAILURES AND GETTING BACK UP

One thing you’ll remember after chatting with Shahidah - her big hearty laugh! It’s no surprise that her spirit is infectious too and her desire to give back will inspire anyone who meets her. This true seeker of adventure was taught to lean into her curiosity from a really young age and it has shaped her to become the woman she is today. Shahidah’s a nurse by profession but life revolves around a bunch of other things; diving, the ocean, marine conservation, dancing and singing! During the peak of the COVID-19 outbreak in Singapore last year, she decided to volunteer at the EXPO Community Care Facility where a lot of the migrant workers were treated. In telling her story, she reminded us that she’s no hero but someone who really only wants to help.

MY STORY IS …

I suppose the best way to tell my story is really to start from the beginning because everything that has led up to who I am now, stems from my ever-continuous learning journey.

Up until I was 16 years old, I attended a handful of extra-curricular classes beyond what school required. They included ballet, piano, swimming, and taekwondo classes. At one point, I even had Chinese and computer classes. I was that overachieving friend that had 1001 extra-curricular activities on top of the other activities one would already have. It started as early as six years old. By eight or nine, I would have had to learn to take public transport, sometimes on my own, to get to classes. On top of that, I had to learn very early on about organising my time well because I had to make sure classes were not overlapping, decide what the best way was to get from one class to the next, have my schoolwork completed on time, and simply finding some time to just be a kid. It taught me very quickly about independence and being responsible. Did I enjoy what I was learning? Yes. Did I grumble along the way? Yes, often.

I had a love-hate relationship with everything that I was learning.

Up until today, even though the activities I participate in have changed, there are many similarities to the ones I had when I was younger. For example, while I no longer dance ballet, the skills I picked up then have been useful for the type of dancing I am interested in now – Latin dance. Learning the piano has also heightened my musicality. I have found singing to be my favourite form of musical expression. Thinking back, the exposure my parents gave me clearly shaped who I am now. I am less afraid of venturing out and increasing my exposure to anything.

If I had an interest or curiosity about something, I give myself the opportunity to try.

Choosing a university course to study was also a no-brainer. I was greatly influenced by my family members who chose nursing as their career, namely my mother, my aunt, and my cousin. At that point, I saw it as a stable job with very useful knowledge that is applicable beyond the workplace. I was an average student toiling through school life. The advantage that my peers and I had then was because National University Singapore recently opened the nursing programme (I was in the third batch), scholarship offers were in abundance. Being ahead, in that sense, saved me from having to worry about university fees and this became evident as I was getting through school. Not being in debt, really gave me the available finances to explore my interests so I took up singing lessons, got my motorcycle license, and saved a lot of money along the way.

It was not until I was at the ripe age of 24 that I truly became my own. I took my first solo trip overseas; A little afraid, a little nervous but very excited. I always had a big curiosity about the ocean and its marine life. I spent weeks researching the perfect organisation to learn about marine conservation. Eventually, I settled for the one in Thailand. From the very first day of beginning the course, I was hooked.

I met like-minded individuals, fellow solo travelers, non-marine biology students who were genuinely interested to learn about the ocean. Because most of us flew from across the world alone, we quickly formed close relationships with one another. We were each other’s family members there. Having no parents, lots of sun, sea, salt and the beach sure felt like heaven!

Fast forward six years, from the time I took that first solo trip, my learning journey went parabolic. I have been to so many countries, seen so many things, exposed myself to different cultures, and made long-lasting friendships that I hold preciously. I just kept going. Learning became addictive.

Challenging myself became an obsession.

While I was doing all these crazy things, I was grateful for my family and friends back home who supported and kept me grounded. Home was always my base. In all my travels, I return every few months even for just a couple of weeks to calm down, be around familiarity and enjoy the scrumptious Singapore meals that cannot be found elsewhere. COVID-19 officially put a halt to my travels. For me, it was the perfect time to slow down. I missed home. I found home in the many places I have been, but my true home is back here in Singapore.

It has been a year since returning. I am currently enjoying the stillness and appreciate the comforts and safety of Singapore life. I feel extremely fortunate to have had six years of adventure. They have been the best years of my life. Coming back, I take advantage of my time here to reintegrate myself into nursing and being with my family mostly.

I remember when Singapore was in its early stages of COVID-19, my ex-nursing colleagues and friends were whining that all their annual leaves were effectively put on hold for the whole year and also that, the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) that I was previously working in was pulling in nurses from the ward to increase the manpower in preparation for the wave that was expected to hit them. Hearing all this while I was still overseas, was not easy. I felt pulled in both directions; to stay where I was or to return home? Eventually, I felt increasingly compelled to return because if I had the knowledge and skills to help my country, why wouldn’t I want to do that? Every pair of hands is needed, and I believe Singapore did a stellar job in controlling the spread of the virus.

I was sad to leave the island I was on. My friends who were expecting me to stay until COVID-19 tides over were sad too but they understood that I wanted to help. We keep in touch often, thanks to the wonders of the internet. A week after completing my Stay-Home-Notice (SHN), I started work at the EXPO Community Care Facility. By then the COVID-19 numbers in Singapore had exploded.

What was the most memorable experience from your first solo trip?

One – being in the water every day was refreshing.

Two - I was diving every day with the same group of people while learning ways to protect the ocean. You form really tight bonds diving with the same group of people every day. Everyone contributing together to protect the ocean. Lounging on the boat after a dive and enjoying the sun and the lulls of the swaying boat.

Three – The freedom to do as I pleased and finally not feeling like I’m trapped in a box.

Beyond travelling, what other ways do you take on as a way to continue learning?

I use the word travelling very loosely. Moving to different countries to work was often a steep learning curve because I’m expected to assimilate and get used to their method of working, the cultures ingrained not just in the country but within the team, and also, learn my role in quick time. Latin dance, for example, was something I observed while I spent some time in the Dominican Republic (DR). I was drawn to this “new” (to me!) form of couple dance. There was the basic structure of the dance, but it was generally all freestyle. As a new type of dance, I was getting into, I wasn’t the best. As soon as I got back to Singapore, I signed up for Latin dance classes here because I wanted to flow like how I saw the women did back in the DR.

When you feel stuck and you know life could be better, what is the one action you take to move forward?

Being back in Singapore, I cannot imagine only going through my days doing nursing. That would make me feel stuck. I spend almost every other off day, jumping in the water, introducing my friends here about diving and the ocean. It’s almost like having a taste of life overseas.

What's the best advice you've been given? Based on that, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

Before I took my first solo trip, a very important person in my life told me that,

You learn most about yourself when you travel overseas on your own. You learn who you truly are without the shelter of your parents. You learn your likes and your dislikes and in knowing so, you make choices for yourself more carefully because you will be the one facing the consequences eventually.

I take this piece of advice with me from the time I heard it. I understand that I must bear responsibility for the path I have chosen for myself. It may not be the path most trodden, but if it is what would make me happy and I feel that it is right, I take it. I count my blessings and I am grateful for the many opportunities I have chanced upon or chased. Of course, I am not perfect. We are all flawed in some ways, but we do our best to live our lives as honestly as possible for our sanity.

You volunteered as a frontline nurse at a facility that mainly treated migrant workers during the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic in Singapore last year -- what drove you to volunteer?

I honestly just really wanted to help and offer any assistance that they might need. I’m hoping to make a difference even in the smallest way!

photography Revathie Dhanabalan