ON EMBRACING INTERSECTIONAL IDENTITY AND EMPOWERING VOICES

Yulianna is a 23-year-old force to be reckoned with. It’s hard to miss her quiet strength and courage that shine through her work and the conversations we’ve had about her journey of self-discovery and awareness. She’s definitely wise beyond her years and you can attribute that to her dedicated introspection. Her commitment to empowering more voices, especially within the minority Malay/Muslim community in Singapore, is hopeful and invigorating as we aspire towards having a more equal and inclusive society. Read on to learn more about how Yulianna has embraced her unique identities and also discovered that it’s more than okay to ask for help when you need it.

MY STORY IS … 

I grew up feeling like I was simply observing the world - never like I was an active part of it. I often wondered - how do I place myself here? It was not a desire to fit myself into the crowd, which I found was often the case in Singapore, but rather to allow myself to belong to a wider social construct without downplaying my many complexities. 

I have always embraced my own uniqueness - I am of Malay-Indonesian descent and while these two communities seem largely similar, they are truly unique in the most intricate ways. I embrace having a mixed heritage - it somehow allows me to have different identities in one body, which to me was exciting as there was always something new to learn about my heritage and the mish-mashing of it within my experiences as a second-generation Singaporean.

I attribute much of my development to coming from a diverse primary school - the population was roughly 50% locals and 50% foreigners. From a young age, I saw how my friends who came from the Philippines, Taiwan, Myanmar, Vietnam, Indonesia, China, Korea, Japan, etc. were so different, yet we could all befriend one another. I witnessed how some of them came from affluent backgrounds while others from poorer ones, and how ultimately we all had one aim - to get a good education and a better chance at life. Through this experience, I was able to learn and embrace the differences of others, which I think is an incredibly important trait to have in multi-racial Singapore. Unfortunately, as I grew older, I didn’t see this in extension to many others in Singapore.

I come from a middle-class family of five, and despite some short periods of financial difficulty, I’d always gotten what I’d wanted. Much of my success today is thanks to my good secondary school education - I came from an elite school where opportunities and good connections were plenty. I moved through my polytechnic years and career with so much ease. Effectively, I came to realise in my early adulthood that I was different from others, not by virtue, but because I benefited from the system.

I grew up hearing many stories of Malays being lazy, unprogressive and uncultured. I did not know it then, but it was this internalised racism that I constantly had to battle. “I’m different” became a marker of being the cream of the crop, instead of an embrace of my uniqueness. I tried to understand how this problematic narrative came about. Why is the community seen as being backwards? Why are our successes not celebrated? On my quest to find these answers, I started Lepak Conversations with a dear friend of mine. We came from the same secondary school and recognised our privileges - especially with access to knowledge. It was appalling to realise that knowledge, which I perceive to be one of the most powerful tools, could be limited because of one’s socio-economic background. My co-founder is a law graduate, and I would not have been friends with her, or another law graduate, if not for my secondary school background.

I also realised my biggest power was in my voice - because, for some reason, people were willing to listen to me. And that’s where I placed my power, to speak up for those who can’t themselves.

I take it in my stride to undo the generational trauma of internalised racism, not only for me but for the community. If it took me this long to realise I had internalised racism, I cannot begin to imagine how many others fail to realise it’s a real thing, and that it largely affects our lived experiences. It takes a real toll on our well-being and the collective progress of the community.

The gap was stark, especially when I was advocating for the Tudung Issue through Lepak Conversations. Personally, I have never experienced nor have I been worried about my career as a tudung-wearing woman. To receive countless stories from tudung-wearing women - ranging from polytechnic students to veteran healthcare workers - about their experiences of job discrimination, was heartbreaking. I felt horrible, thinking I’d gotten to my level of ‘success’ based on merit when in reality it was because I had much fewer barriers than others similar to me. 

It sucks to realise how much the system shapes our lived experiences, but I believe that as individuals, we can stand up for one another and give opportunities to the less advantaged to help everyone at least reach a level playing field. That was how I bagged many successes - through people who believed in and gave me opportunities despite my shortcomings. It’s a big gap to fill, and many would attribute my grand dream to my youthful ‘innocence’, but I say it’s really not all that difficult to empower one person every single day. I believe it’s so important to pay it forward and help others with the support one has received.

Although my work for Lepak Conversations on a community and national level is significant, I find a lot more fulfilment in empowering individuals. My friends would know me as someone who often ‘slides into the DMs’ of random people to send messages of support. I believe in building deep connections and uplifting every person I meet.

I have always believed that empathy goes a long way because I’ve gotten through my most difficult periods knowing I have the support of people around me. I also believe that empathy is the start of real social change because when we truly care about one another, we will do whatever it takes to make the world a better place for all.

Tell us more about Lepak Conversations - what is it and what do you hope to achieve with it?

Lepak Conversations is an online platform and community that encourages respectful discussion about things that matter to Malay/Muslims. Ultimately, we want to shed light on the prevalent experiences of the Malay community and gain non-Malay allies who can help amplify our voices. It is equal parts wanting to shine a light on ethnocentric topics and issues and creating a safe space for us to talk about these in a civil, measured and mature manner. It was also important that these conversations could be turned into actionable steps to help create change. 

Your sense of self is really strong and comes through your story - can you share some tips on how one can gain greater self-awareness? 

I think it’s important to spend a lot of time with yourself to be self-aware. For me, this means journaling daily and reflecting often. Some of my favourite daily prompts are, “What do I need right now?”, “What did I do well today?” “What can I do better tomorrow?”. I also do a monthly review - I start the month with a theme or goal in mind and end the month assessing how I’ve achieved them. It is important to remember though, that these are simply guiding stars and not achieving them does not equate to failure. If I don't manage to fulfil a goal in the time I’ve set it for, I can continue to set the same goal for as long as I want to. It is important to remember that we are imperfect and constantly work in progress. Growth is non-linear and it’s important to remember to control what we can control while letting go of what we can’t. But also to always celebrate the little things because daily life is pretty complex stuff!

You shared your unique identity with us and it’s an intersectional one - one where gender, race and class overlap. Do you think it’s important for us to discuss women’s issues through an intersectional lens, and why?

Absolutely. Women are inherently disadvantaged based on gender, and further disadvantaged based on many other factors, like race, class, education level, etc. These barriers are often systemic, and require everyone’s collective effort, female or not, to move the needle. In a world that still does not acknowledge and address these disparities, the gap is simply going to get bigger. Just as more women would break glass ceilings, more women would continue to fall through the cracks.

Finally, what is your approach when it comes to self-care and taking care of your mental health?

I think mindfulness is super important to me. I am hyper-sensitive to everyone and everything around me and can very easily forget about my needs. When I’m really busy, it’s so easy to forget to care for myself, so I actually created a list of ‘Things I Like’ to help me remember what I enjoy, and also to think of one small thing daily to do for myself. What has helped me a lot recently is having a morning routine - a set amount of time to focus only on myself. I focus on meeting my needs through my love languages - stretching and massaging for ‘physical touch’, journaling and deep breaths for ‘quality time’ and positive affirmations for ‘words of affirmation’. I have very firm boundaries on how I spend my time too, especially on social media. As someone who has to constantly use social media for work and is frequently exposed to heavy topics, I set a time limit on my usage (it took a lot of struggling, but I successfully cut it down to 1.5 hours daily) and filter what I consume heavily. 

Lately, I also realised the power of asking for help (because I fractured my finger!). As someone who’s multi-faceted (I do social media marketing, graphic design, community and accounts management, etc.) and highly independent, I have always done things myself. Although I am capable, I only have 24 hours a day and one body, so this ended up taking a toll on me. I believe in working smart more than working hard now. Overworking should not be glorified. Life is short, and you need to be able to live it. Ask for help, go for a walk, eat nutritious food. Basically do things that make you feel good because at the end of the day, you are your greatest asset. You can only show up to the world when you show up for yourself first.

What is your crazy?

My crazy is empowering every person to find their power and voice. I believe every person has an innate strength that is extremely valuable to society. This does not mean that one has to do grand things like be an award-winning professional, but that strength can also lie on a very personal level, perhaps through being kind to strangers daily. I also believe we all have significant stories to tell, and that the very essence of humankind is to seek solace in stories, so we know that we’re never truly alone.

photography Zahwah Bagharib