What It Takes To Be Woman And Well
The truth is we are actually enough just the way we are.
words Nawira Baig
Women’s mental health is close to my heart. Mainly because as a young woman, I’m experiencing the many roles we play in our lives and noticing the impact it has on our mental wellness. So many of us women are familiar with wearing many different hats, probably too familiar. Being “Wonder Woman” isn’t always pretty — it can really take a toll on an individual’s well-being. I also hear on the regular family, friends and colleagues share their struggles with their own self-care and wellness, amidst the myriad of social responsibilities, expectations and personal goals, coupled with female biological and reproductive health experiences and challenges.
As much as many of us today might have more privilege to choose to take on these responsibilities and even enjoy it, there are definitely times when it feels like you can never do it all and you can never be everything to everyone, especially the ones you love. The truth is we are actually enough just the way we are, and we will never able to do it all or be everything to everyone, at least not all at once.
Maybe it’s making peace with that, and maybe it’s also about addressing women’s mental health because our population, like every other, comes with a unique set of challenges, needs and experiences. I’m growing to realise and appreciate this more intricately myself as I journey through life transitions and roles. If there are some things I’ve learnt and am still learning when it comes to being a woman and sustaining my wellness, these are a few of my favourites.
You find your own balance
We always speak and hear of work-life balance and harmony, especially when carving an identity and career of our own matters to many young women. But for many of us, it’s likely this elusive thing we aspire to. It probably feels more like it’s always going to be a balancing act. Some days, it might feel like when you’re focused on work, something else, like time with family gets compromised. Then on other days, it’s the other way round. Our lives will never be perfect; what probably helps is knowing our personal priorities, ensuring quality interaction and presence, and living in alignment with values that matter to us. Someone else’s life might always seem better; some seem to have it all on the surface. What might work, is finding what works for you and knowing what that balance is like to you, even if it changes day to day and over seasons. Your balance is probably not going to look like someone else’s.
Know your role models and seek to role model
It helps to have authentic relationships with women you look up to, who might be able to offer insight and perspective into their journey, so that you too may make sense of your own and create your own unique path. Even better if these women role models are older and more experienced because there is always value in shared wisdom. Having role models and mentors to turn to help when it comes to navigating sticky or challenging personal and professional situations, especially ones you’ve never experienced until now. What’s even more amazing is when you role model for other women, especially women younger than you. I truly believe that we get better when we help and build one another up.
Self-care is never selfish
This is one where it’s too familiar — the guilt that can come from taking time to yourself, especially when you know you have all these other people and things that matter to you that you don’t want to neglect. As much as I know I love nurturing and caring, supporting and mentoring, whether on a personal level or through my work, I know that I can’t give my best if I’m not at my best. Taking care of myself ensures that I get to continue to be there for others, especially the ones I love. I also know that this is easier said than done. To ensure that I don’t fall down my list of priorities and commitments, I try to ensure that I am one of my top priorities, if not my top priority most days (keyword: try). On days when I can’t really thrive, I take a step back and allow myself to just focus on the basics.
It’s okay to slow down; it helps you in the long run. Other times, especially when things get really busy, I ensure that I have bite-size self-care habits, practices and activities that I can squeeze into the day, even if it’s only a few minutes of savouring a cup of rose tea when I get up in the morning or making small notes to myself on my phone to affirm and encourage myself, or to release stress and worries. I’ve come to notice that the busier I get, the better my self-care should be. Find what works for you when it comes to nurturing and taking care of yourself. And know that self-care isn’t always pretty. In fact, it’s usually what you’d rather avoid or delay attending to.
Create a community of support
As much as having role models and mentors help, we also find support, understanding and encouragement from our peers — women who are probably experiencing similar challenges or who have been through such. I’ve heard stories from women around me who share how they’ve navigated transitioning into motherhood, including when the journey came with pregnancy complications, miscarriages and postnatal blues or depression, or additional caregiving roles from sudden life events and changes, and the impact it had on their well-being. I can only imagine what this is like for single mothers or women who might not have sufficient support.
Many women find support in one another, especially in sharing something so personal and deeply tied to our being. We’re fortunate to be able to discuss these more easily today, moving beyond mere old wives’ tales, to sharing about this openly on various platforms in person and online, and not limiting these conversations to just women but also supportive spouses. I regularly hear and see how women have struggled to maintain a career or climb up the ladder as they’re starting and building families. Sometimes, it can feel like it’s ‘either-or’, so knowing that there are many women around you who have been there, done that, and are doing just fine, helps you remember you’ll be fine too. Most likely, you’ll be more than fine! You try, and that’s what matters.
Make time to just be
Amidst all this ‘doing’, it’s also vital to reconnect with ourselves and to allow ourselves to just be. You don’t always have to be busy or make yourself useful to have worth; you are worthy as you are. It can take defying expectations and norms, especially your own, to set aside time to do nothing when you’re so used to doing so much. There is joy and peace in allowing yourself to experience being human, who you are to yourself and what you’re like when you’re not weighed down by expectations. More than that, it’s also about allowing yourself to make mistakes and making peace with the fact that you’ll never be perfect. That no matter what happens, you can be okay. My favourite thing to repeat to others is “Give yourself the love and kindness you give to others.” Maybe it’s time we make more of an effort to say this to ourselves too and be our own best friend.
About the Author:
Nawira advocates mental wellness for individuals, organisations and nations, including through her work in mental health care. Leveraging a communications background and her current pursuit in psychology, she brings forth ‘voices unheard’ to shape narratives and influence public discourse on issues related to mental health. She serves on the External Affairs Committee and Board of the US-based National Association of Peer Supporters, and the Youth Advisory Board of the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders. Nawira’s newfound interests include women’s mental wellness and developing trauma, gender and culturally-informed care and support in Singapore and beyond.