words Zahwah Bagharib

I’ve been finding myself dwelling on my past recently. About things that happened, or things that should have happened. All the ‘what ifs’ and questions, while drowning myself in some sort of unhealthy spiral that honestly does no one, at least not me, any good.

Usually, at this point, I have two options. One, I could either feed my fears and self-doubt with more questions and thoughts or two, I could snap out of it. There are days where the former is a lot easier (and will end up in me breaking out in cold sweat or even tears) but on days like today, I’ve chosen to snap out of it, and instead, rethink how I can acknowledge my past without having it crush me into pieces.

Here’s my attempt at acknowledging my past.

Your past does not define you

Carrying emotional baggage may not be new to many of us. The weight of the burdens we carry on our two bare shoulders may be a lot heavier than we lead on, but we don’t have to carry them alone. What I’ve learnt about acknowledging my past, is that I need to accept that whatever happened has happened, but I do not live there now. Things have changed and I have taken with me, the lessons, even when I had to learn them the hard way.

When you start to acknowledge that your past is where it should be (not here, not now, but in a time way back when), you may feel a little bit lighter on your shoulders, a little bit more hopeful that every day is a brand new day, and a little bit more relieved that you are free to start again.

Everything you went through has led you to where you are today

Looking back, things may have been bad. I never want to downplay or belittle the experiences that we had to go through because only we know how much an episode can affect us. But in hindsight, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without my past. The days were dark, yes, but I am a firm believer that the events in your life are truly meant to shape you. Whether it was the people who supported you during those periods, or the tough decisions you had to make. Something changed in you, and you’ve never been the same ever since. Would you agree?

If you could take a minute, you can try thinking about how your past may have taught you some pretty tough lessons. Lessons that could only be taught through hardships, cause life can be a b*tch like that.

You can’t change the past, but you can change the present or future

A good friend once told me “Don’t go backwards and think about what went wrong or whatnot, because nothing good will come out of that,” and it has stuck with me ever since. I don’t know why we can get so obsessed with thinking about the past when we literally have zero control in changing anything that has happened (unless someone comes up with a time machine because hello, it’s 2021 already) (wow the things I would do with a time machine).

My point is, the past is long gone and we are now living in a different space, also known as the present. Yes, a very much neglected space indeed. We’re always thinking about the past (or the future, but that’s up for its own discussion) but how much are we actually living in the present? The fact that we CAN change how we feel, react or think in the present, in this very moment, should empower us to pack our bags and move out of the past. Maybe being in the present could help lighten the emotional baggage we carry around every day. Not easy but remember, baby steps go a long way.

Think about growth

Even though it may not feel like it, you are growing. You have been growing. When you think about the past, think about growth. Don’t focus on the series of events that took place, or all the unanswered questions that you may still have, but think about how you got out of it a stronger and much more resilient person. Think about the things you would tell your younger self. Think about forgiveness.

You can tell yourself that it’s alright, that there is so much ahead of you. The most important thing is, by having a growth mindset, you will slowly be able to let go of the chains that have been holding you back to fully becoming the person that you are today. And remember, you can do this at your own pace. You are allowed to take your time. And even if you find yourself taking a step back, don’t be discouraged. We can always try again tomorrow.

So the next time you replay a traumatic episode in your head, whether it was because you stumbled upon something that may have triggered you or your inner demons are trying to play a trick on you, I hope you remember to take deep breaths. Remind yourself that you do not have to live in the past. You are here now, and here is so much better.

Repeats to self: I am here now, and here is so much better.

How to get help?

If you are or someone you know is in need of someone to talk to or may need further mental health support, please call these hotlines and support numbers:

AWARE – 1800 777 5555 (Monday – Friday, 10 am – 6 pm)
ComCare Call - 1800 222 0000
PAVE - 6555 0390
TRANS Family Services - 6449 9088

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Zahwah is a self-taught digital marketer, cupcake monster and enjoys writing in her free time.

4 Ways to Acknowledge Your Past