MEET FAZ GAFFA-MARSH
ON BUILDING BOUNDARIES AND SUPPORTING MENTAL HEALTH
“My crazy is being limitless while understanding that there is power in being limited.”
As women, we play many different roles in our lives and it can be really tough to juggle them all. On top of that, we tend to give a lot of ourselves to take care of the people around us and neglect our own mental health. But we cannot pour from an empty cup and that is something Faz Gaffa-Marsh understands really well. Check out her story below on her experiences and how she has managed to build her mental health space.
MY STORY IS …
My father passed away in 2019 after a short battle with cancer. He was my rock, and my family is very tight-knit. We were shaken and beaten down, and we still are dealing with the loss today — and probably for the rest of our lives. While I understood that therapy is an option, I didn't know where and how to look for help while helping my mother with her grief and having a toddler of my own. When I was looking for avenues to seek professional help, I found it costly, and honestly, intimidating to talk about my most private thoughts with a stranger. I started writing about it on my personal social media and I would be flooded with messages from strangers who resonated with what I was feeling.
The approach to My Safe Sphere is multi-prong:
To address various big feelings that people don't even understand could be a thing - like anticipatory grief. How can you be grieving over someone that is still alive? Or even a mental overload — for new mums who balance being a hormonal change, to caring for a human being, on top of all the things she's (usually unknowingly) taking care of in the household. Naming our emotions — what psychologists call labelling — is an important first step in dealing with these emotions effectively.
To help people understand that they're not alone - and to be the first step to recognising that they're facing a mental wellness challenge
To be a listening ear, and to provide avenues to seek help from professionals
You have been a great guide to those who needed to get past the first step, do you often find yourself overextending?
Yes and no. I think I make it a point to reply to messages on My Safe Sphere regularly because people are reaching out for help, and a lot of those people reach out for grief, just because that’s something I talk about a lot. On the other hand, I also sometimes get emotionally affected by some people’s stories and struggles can extend into my life.
If so, are there some ways you practise self-care?
Working out regularly really helps me. I enjoy it, that hour of me-time is really crucial when I balance multiple responsibilities. Also, seeing a therapist helps!
Are you able to share some of the ways you cope with grief?
Everybody copes with grief differently. In some ways, there are unifying feelings — of a lot of love without a place to go to — but for me, writing has been the most cathartic. I write online and offline, and having people resonate with it is a bonus. It has been two years since my father passed away and I still sometimes expect him to be on the couch and channel surfing; like I would wake up from this really bad dream and the permanent ache I feel in my chest would go away.
One thing I’ve subconsciously done is to be what I depended on him to do — he was so handy with his hands, and fixing things around the house and I’ve been learning how to do that. Rewire a plug? Sure! Replace a tap? Done. Love your family fiercely? My middle name.
Of course, time on the prayer mat always helps me.
Do you have any advice for anyone who is currently looking to get help to improve their mental health?
It can be daunting, and sometimes you wonder how going to a complete stranger and unbottling all your fears, struggles and stress can help but trust me it does. And if you’re in a situation where you don’t want to go to a therapist yet, there are things you should do for yourself on your own — exercise, sleep enough, and avoid things that give you an instant high — and they’re not necessarily the usual things like alcohol and drugs. Think about your sugar consumption or even your shopping habits. That bar of chocolate and the new dress… even though they may not cost much, contribute to you avoiding feeling what you’re feeling and replacing it with a momentary rush.
What are your hopes for MySafeSphere and the year ahead?
I’m hoping to finally start our small-scale group therapy sessions, so if there are counselors, therapists, or mental health professionals who would like to volunteer, hit me up.
Lastly, what is the most important piece of advice you have ever received?
My dad always told me to put all of myself into everything I do. It’s not always easy to do that when you’re pulled in multiple directions, being a daughter, mother, wife, friend, employee — but man, I sure as hell try!
What is your crazy?
Being limitless... while understanding that there is power in being limited. I am a marketer, the founder of MySafeSphere, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend — and I'm limitless in where my heart, my thoughts, and my ambition can take me. I also am beginning to understand that it's ok to limit things — I can say no to situations that cause me anxiety.
I can close chapters on relationships that cause more harm than good, it's okay to not do anything else but lie under covers with my husband and toddler and watch Jurassic Park over and over again.
photography Zahwah Bagharib