MEET NAFEESA SAINI
ON FINDING INSPIRATION AND FORGING HER OWN PATH
“My crazy is my natural curiosity and thirst for peeling back the layers in order to tell a good story.”
It’s tough being a woman, but the odds against you are greater if you’re an ethnic minority woman. Representation matters and for someone who works in the media, Nafeesa finds it her responsibility to empower that and introduce more women like her to the field. She shares about what this is like in her story below, as well as her role models who have inspired her to be where she is today and the most important piece of advice she would give her younger self.
MY STORY IS …
For someone who writes about others for a living, I find it challenging to write about myself. The people I regularly meet are inspiring changemakers and I catch myself thinking that I pale in comparison. But that perhaps is my imposter syndrome talking.
I come from what some call a ‘media dynasty’, which is a phrase I don’t take seriously. My father is a retired and veteran award-winning reporter at Berita Harian; my eldest brother is a long-time fashion director, stylist, and lecturer at fashion school; my other brother is the editor of a publication and a leader in the food space. As the youngest and most green, I often feel I have a long way to catch up to them. But I stop myself with the reminder that I’m walking my own path. I’m carving out my own space as a minority woman in journalism, particularly in the luxury sphere.
The journey here was riddled with obstacles. I’ve been an avid reader and writer all my life and have always wanted to be a journalist, but I didn’t fare well in mainstream education. I found a safe haven in the drama club and with my English teachers. I got into a polytechnic and, surprise surprise did a diploma in early childhood education and worked my a** off to get to a local university, doing my dream degree: English literature.
When I graduated, I took an entire year to find a full-time editorial job and, even then, it was a transition from an internship. That year was filled with so many tears, and heartache, wondering why doors never seemed to open to me. Yet, throughout this time, I never second-guessed my ambition. Even when I was struggling with internship pay or even when my parents (my dad too, ironically) kept nagging at me to take on a corporate or government job. You can imagine my relief and utter gratitude when I was offered my first permanent role in publishing. Unlike many peers in my industry, I don’t have a communications degree. Everything I have learned or am learning, I picked up on the job. I recently started writing for a magazine, and that vastly differs from an online writing style. I spent over five years being a ‘digital native’ so I lacked the print experience. It was and still is a learning curve, but it never gets dull.
Today I’m at a luxury title which I have so much respect for. I’m happy to say that I’m not the first Malay woman to have worked at this title, and I certainly do feel the responsibility of continuing her legacy of introducing more brown faces to this sphere. I’m also surrounded by supportive female editors and peers in this industry who fuel my motivation and keep me on my toes. When life gets tough, I keep one person in mind: My late nyai. Her passing in 2016 hit me hard as she raised us, and we’d spent more than a decade watching her suffer from dementia. My grandmother was raised in a family where the boys were well-educated, attended good schools, and became teachers, whereas the girls were made to stay home and were denied an education. She also had a tough life as a single mother. Yet, she stayed selfless and compassionate through it all.
To this day, I remember a memory of teaching my nyai the alphabet. I was only 10 years old then, but I remember how my heart ached for her as I watched her trying to learn the letters and thinking of the life she never had, and all the misery she knew. She is the reason why I am who I am today, and why I’ve never compromised on my goals, whether it’s my career, lifestyle, or relationships. She is also the reason why I aim to do more for women in underprivileged communities.
I know that as a journalist, my job is to amplify the voices of the voiceless and to empower the reader. But I’ve been feeling a calling to do more for others. I want to do more than just wield my pen.
What is your favourite moment as a Features Editor or any throughout your career?
I can't pinpoint a single favourite moment but I certainly do have a few over the course of my career. Like when a flailing business personally tells me that a story I/we published boosted their business. Or when an interviewee said I told and unfolded a different side to them - one they were never aware of prior to my article.
But my most favourite moment of all is when I finally meet my interview subject and am able to put a face to all the research I've been doing about them, only to realise that their personality is far greater than their achievements. I've met some of the most high-achieving women, with their own foundations, companies, and multiple charities. Yet, in person, they're extremely humble and warm, even preferring to speak of others instead of themselves. Their humility sticks with me - that always keeps me grounded.
Your grandmother played such a pivotal role in your life, are there other role models that you look up to and why?
I could list editors, authors and feminists I look up to but the everyday women around me are my inspiration. If I could pick just one person, I'd say it's my friend Nabila. She takes life by the horns, makes decisions fearlessly and laughs her way through the hardest of predicaments. She constantly reminds me that no matter how sad I get, I've got to learn to live a little. She also juggles her roles of a stay-at-home mum, wife, daughter and friend impeccably.
Being in the media industry can be stressful and is often hectic -- how do you take care of your mental wellbeing? Are there any particular approaches that keep you grounded when you need it most?
The nature of my job often means that it is social life in itself, with consecutive tastings and events. It does take its toll on me and I've learned over time that I can't possibly take on everything.
I'm going, to be frank here, and tell you that my mental wellbeing hasn't been great lately. I have insomnia, and I've been waking up with anxiety most mornings. It's been hard, really hard. But I have incredible support structures in my friends and family, who are always there to bolster my falls.
Aside from that, I just had my first therapy appointment to target the root causes of this anxiety, and am learning to reframe my negative thoughts. Positive affirmations and constant visualisation of my goals help too.
What’s the best advice you’ve been given?
What is meant to be yours will never escape you.
Now, from that advice, what would be one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Gosh, I have so many - like take care of your health early, and please get a grip on finances as soon as you can (can't stress this enough for women!). But the number one thing I'd tell my younger self is -
"Everything will fall into place. Things have always taken a longer route for you, and that's okay because you are where you need to be. Trust in yourself, trust in the process. What is meant to be will always be."
photography Zahwah Bagharib