Feel All Your Feelings
“Freedom comes from self-connection.”
words Sarah Bagharib
I’m currently living in a liminal space and I think most of us are given our current circumstances, without even realising it. Navigating this space feels all sorts of uncomfortable, awkward and scary but feeling all my feelings have been quite necessary to get me to where I’d like to be –– a place where I am free to grow with no judgments. A place where I am at peace with myself. It’s quite understandable that some of you may be afraid of being swallowed up in a big black hole if you allow yourself to experience your emotions, and/or feel stuck once you’ve done so. But I’m here to share that there are healthy methods to process those emotions and here are some useful ways I’ve found to help myself navigate those intense and uneasy feelings when they arise.
1. Guided meditations
I think the trick is to first be intentional about sitting with your feelings. I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed with work, motherhood and the pandemic and have resorted to some unhealthy compartmentalising and suppressing over the past few months. I consciously decided to ignore all that I was feeling and that eventually manifested in nearly daily panic attacks. It came to a point when I knew I did not want to live that way and needed to take control of how I was managing my emotions.
One of the easiest and cheapest ways to do so is by doing some guided meditations. They involve a lot of deep breathing & visualisations (that oddly remind me of my labour preparations lol) in the mornings and evenings. I use the Shine and Insight Timer apps on my phone and you can start by enjoying the free meditations they offer. Meditation to me is all about bringing awareness to all your feelings and it’s okay if you don’t want to embrace them. There’s no need to judge them, just give yourself the permission to feel.
2. Journal
I’ve also started journaling again and I noticed that it has allowed me to identify and acknowledge my triggers better. It’s also a release, at times a purge, or a brain dump. Call it whatever you may but journaling has really helped me visualise all that I am feeling because they’re right there in front of me… in my own words. I allow myself to self-reflect and just a few minutes of that can do wonders and provide me with the perspective and even clarity that I’ve been seeking.
3. Exercise
I HATE running, and I honestly don’t know how I’ve managed to convince myself to get out of bed and go for a run every other morning. But there’s something seriously therapeutic and liberating about exercising and more specifically, running for me. It could possibly be because of the time I get to be alone with my thoughts and so I’m forced to confront them with nowhere to run (hur hur). On top of that, it helps me stay focused on the rest of the day and reduces my chances of feeling overwhelmed. Also apparently, research has shown the benefits of exercise in helping address and process your emotions!
4. Therapy
It'd been two years since my last therapy session and I really thought I could manage on my own and do without it. But the question I asked myself that finally pushed me to start again was this -- how do I raise a secure child when I'm dealing with great emotional insecurity? I want nothing more than to be the best mum that I can be to my daughter and so I knew that I needed to sit in my feelings... and heal. In my first session, my therapist and I explored how I was seeking "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference”.
And over the next couple of sessions, I started learning and unlearning what I can and cannot control. I’ve also re-learned that I can control how I manage my triggers. Here’s the thing about therapy -- seeing a therapist really is like seeing a doctor/GP. You’re entitled to take care of your mental health and if you feel like you need to talk to someone in a safe space, then I really recommend seeing a therapist or a counsellor. If you’re in Singapore, there are a few free resources you can start with like the National Care Hotline (1800-202-6868) and also this fairly detailed and helpful site you can access.
In the name of personal growth and progress, I’ve decided to choose honesty as much as I can and live my truth. But even growth is non-linear; there are going to be days that are harder than others and on those days, it’s important to have self-compassion. It’s important to extend the same kindness to yourself as you would to a loved one who’s going through a hard time. There is so much beauty in feeling all these... emotions (both the good and bad) and if for whatever reason you're stopping yourself from being able to FEEL…
…tell yourself that it's okay to get in touch with them, more than okay in fact because I promise you, it's the most wonderful thing in the world.