The Scenic Route And Growth
We grow the way we look at things.
words Nawira Baig
Change can be scary. So is uncertainty. Living amidst COVID-19 in 2021 doesn’t make it any easier. I’m writing this reflection after two years at work in my little pink room, with the windows fully open to let the breeze in, and some room temperature water in my teacup. I hear the plane fly by, along with the birds flying the other way home as the sun sets. Now I hear the birds cooing, almost like they’re singing along to the rhythm of my typing. It’s peaceful and I’m comfortable, with my rose-patterned shawl gently wrapped around my shoulders.
I realise how privileged I am to be able to stay home today, amidst peaceful walls and harmonious surroundings. I am also lucky to be able to choose my discomfort while for others in the war-torn, conflict or illness-ridden areas, change comes rudely and uglily each day, a choice-less affair.
I say a little prayer and come back to my present moment. I recently made the decision to grow at work, to explore and to forge forward on my learning journey and life journey. An older, wiser mentor once told me, “Don’t be afraid of the scenic route”. Today, I’m starting to experience what that scenic journey could be, only because I gave myself permission to not be limited by my own fears of trying something new.
I chose courage over comfort. We come to crossroads several times in our life. This time I decided to spread my wings so one day I’ll fly too. Maybe not today, but I’m still taking pictures along this scenic route while carrying baggage — cherished memories and valuable lessons.
We sometimes feel stuck and stagnant in life, but we grow when we allow ourselves to push past discomfort. We think we might drown if we take this deep dive, and if we stepped into uncharted waters. I know I fear large bodies of water and dipping my toes in it. This time around, I’m jumping right in, treading where many others walk away from. I trust that I’ll grow both personally and professionally from this experience. I’m not ready, but I’m looking forward to the journey ahead because even amidst uncertainty, chaos, or change, you can choose to remain centred.
Growth doesn’t always come cheap, but it’s worth it
Often, growth can be all the things we’d rather avoid - scary, painful, difficult. Or it could be easier than we think. Sometimes, it’s taking the simpler route instead of always being so hard on ourselves that we mentally coerce ourselves into choosing what’s tough and painful because it’s so ingrained that, “I need to suffer to come out stronger, better and successful”. Other times, it’s nudging ourselves towards hurdles and barriers to cross and enduring discomfort with discipline. The difference, I’ve realised in dealing with my life challenges, is knowing when to push and when to pull back or even pause. The push and pull aren’t going to be like that of others. For that, I need to meet myself, know myself and respect myself enough.
Meeting our true selves can be terrifying; it’s easier to run away and distract ourselves with pursuits of material gains and accolades.
It’s easier to be known than to come to know. How many of us can sit with ourselves, come as we are and still love ourselves for it? We’ve probably heard or seen this quote a million times, “You are enough.” We can see it every day, but we’ll never truly believe it until we feel it for ourselves. I am enough not because I said it, but because I can simply be. Today, I choose to love myself as I am and to respect my growth and journey.
It’s okay to crawl or walk
I recently had my birthday and had to stay away from coming up with a list of achievements because if I did that, I’d probably feel like a failure, like nothing will ever be enough. Or I might just come up with a life to-do list. I had a simple celebration and gave thanks for another year, for the wisdom gleaned and experiences gained in my life, and for life itself.
I recalled how life can still be beautiful even amidst pain or sorrow. I gave myself space to grieve for pain, loss and trauma, and to forgive myself and others for a peaceful mind and life. And I was happy, even though there was no cake.
Looking back at my journey thus far, almost hitting the big 3-0, I’ve had many firsts and wins. But my firsts and wins are unique to what we might have commonly seen growing up. I’m still early on in my career, still pursuing my first degree and yet to be married with kids. Women should allow themselves to become who they’re meant to be, even if that seems oddly different from society’s expectations. I would never want to live a life untrue to who I truly am. For that, I need to trust in my own journey and pace myself according to what’s right for me. Honestly, that takes courage. There are days where I look at others and wonder, “What am I doing with my life?” There are days I think I should just marry the next guy that comes along, or I’d have to freeze my eggs. But the real me trusts in my own wings. We fly when we are ready. Even that flight is unique to each.
I am who I am today because of the seasons I’ve lived through, ageing with grace, not just grit. Today, I choose to respect all seasons of life — the planting, the pause, the waiting, the pacing, the falling, the soaring.
My faith and confidence are in my hands
I listen to the woman I am, not because I’m her, but because I know her. I trust in my broken wings. It’s repaired with gold. Know that you’ll take flight in your own beautiful way when you believe in yourselves enough. There is beauty and strength in your story and living your truth. I used to say, and it still rings true today, “If I had put my faith and confidence in anyone else’s hands, I wouldn’t be here today”. I recently saw an inspiring quote by writer John Mark Green, “You are not the darkness you endured, you are the light that refused to surrender”. It took me years to be able to sit across a therapist to address the sexual assault and childhood trauma I’ve lived through.
I’m nurturing my inner child so that I can become all I’m meant to be, here and now.
For that, I had to trust in my resource and ability to heal. I have faith that the future can be better and brighter. And I’m taking the time to recover bits of me, to love myself more and to grow into my full potential. Healing comes in waves, like gentle waters. I carry on each day in alignment with my purpose, “to heal and help heal”, trusting the journey ahead. Looking back, even in the depths of despair and darkness, the light can still pierce through. The sun will rise again. Today, I choose to honour that light within myself.
The sun sets as I was lost in writing this piece. I also forgot I had a phone!
It’s nice to wander in the wilderness every now and then. Maybe that’s how you come home to yourself. Don’t be afraid of the scenic route.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Nawira advocates mental wellness for individuals, organisations and nations, including through her work in mental healthcare. Leveraging a communications background, she brings forth ‘voices unheard’ to shape narratives and influence public discourse on issues related to mental health. She serves on the External Affairs Committee and Board of the US-based National Association of Peer Supporters, and the Youth Advisory Board of the International Association for Premenstrual Disorders. Nawira’s newfound interests include women’s mental wellness and developing trauma, gender and culturally-informed care and support in Singapore and beyond.